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Time Marches On

Wow…. It’s been a very long time since I’ve written anything. You get in this fight and you put your head down and just keep pushing and one day you decide to look up and see what’s going on and you realize it’s been a couple of years and life is still going on. That’s what I’m claiming and I’m sticking to the story.

The truth isn’t far off for me. I’ll explain. The first couple of years with Myeloma was spent learning. It was a natural reaction and a formal step in the grieving process.  I was still in denial… I could tell you I had Myeloma. I could tell you it was incurable, but I was in a solid and complete denial that I had an incurable cancer.

For me, I made the mistake of letting the cancer change who I was as a person. It wasn’t noticeable at first because my wife and family was trying to wrap their heads around this situation as well. It took a bit of time, but a great divide had formed between who I was before the diagnosis and who I had become. I spent so much time trying to fight this thing that I quit living my life and started working on making sure I wrapped things up while I still could. I subconsciously started the process of making sure my family could move on after I was gone while my wife was trying to squeeze every bit of time out of me. It creeped up on me and my wife and one day we looked up and realized we had a problem.

That is where I find myself today. I don’t focus so much of my time on my disease as I used to. I still keep up with the latest news and I am active on the MM Facebook sites, but it doesn’t consume me.  I’ve accepted the simple truth that Multiple Myeloma and I occupy the same space. We don’t seemed inclined to give any ground. The good news is that I’m 5 years post dx and I’m alive. I’m living my life…. again. My wife and I take a little bit longer to try and make sure we don’t get lost in what we are doing with this cancer and life is moving forward. I I don’t think I will never get back to who I was because the truth is that cancer changes a person.

I’ve been changed. Time will tell if it’s been a good change or a bad one, but for now it’s a work in progress and I’m optimistic that I’m on the right path.

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